Domestic Violence Awareness Month

 

This month always hits home for me.  I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t suffering from someone’s hand I knew. This month for some reason hits harder for me. I think it’s because as I work in retail I show bruises as if they are finger prints. Times of those days come haunting back. It’s only been a few years now have not been in a DV situation.

The very first time I realized I was in a DV situation was when I was 16 years old. I had bruises on my wrists, my arms, and even my neck. No one cared to hear me. My co-workers would laugh at me and just say “hey look!  Tali got a hickey”. I would tell them they were bruises. They would stand there telling me how I am making this all up.  I was taught then, no one cared about those in DV relationships.

The next time I realized I was in a DV relationship was when I was married. I married at 22 years old. The DV really didn’t start until I was in my late 20s. That’s when I recognized the signs. The emotional, verbal, and beginnings of physical abuse. If you talk to my ex today he would say he never laid a hand on me. My daughter has picked up a lot of his habits. Including the hitting.  She is 22 years old.  She now says “I’m not hitting as hard as dad”

As I got older I never realized how many times I entered a DV situation. In my teen years I had a friend rape me twice. I was so desperate for friends I kept them. I was told it’s not rape if they don’t do x,y,z. By the definition of it, they did.  In 2016 I was raped twice. I blew it off  as he would never do that. He would never ignore my wishes. In all reality, that’s exactly what he did.  I just covered for him.  In my 30s I dated a guy almost 2 years. He lost control one day and raped me.  Again, I brushed it off. I said it was fine.  Again, this is what DV has taught me.  In 2018, I went to a friend’s house. Yet again, I was taken advantage of.  

The sad thing is domestic violence covers a wide category. It’s an umbrella that covers so much that can happen. I had serious partners and people I knew stalk me.  That all falls under that umbrella. DV is not something to joke about. It’s not something you can just leave from.  I wish I could have gotten up and walked off. I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough. I was torn down to nothing.  That’s what DV does.  

If you are reading this and in a DV relationship, know you are not alone. There is help out there for you. There are numbers to call for help.