Trigger Warning Blogs

  Over the last month or so I have had a really hard time eating. I have always had points in my life where eating was a struggle. As long as I can remember, eating hasn’t been easy. I remember being told I ate too much as a child. By the time high school came around I was only eating one meal a day. By adulthood I’d go days without eating or with very little food.  I have been barely able to choke down small amounts of food over the last month. When I see food, look at food, or even smell food my first instinct is to get sick. It takes all I have not to get sick. Last night was no different for me. I got some nachos from a place we go sometimes. It was a large-ish amount. I did finish them. For me I was proud I ate all of my food. It took a lot of effort for me to do so. I got some carrot cake to eat. I was starting to eat that. When I hear this, Person: “Did you finish all your nachos?” Me: “yes” Person: “all of it” Me: “yes” Person: looks at me and says “oh, ok then” You ar...

The memories flood back  As if they never left They need space  The words of I’m Sorry Escape their lips as they try and fix it Too late I am crushed They walked out the door Back to their wife Me,  ever good enough Too much Too needy Too something All the time, I’m too…. I don’t know this time My world crashed again As I hear the same words They need a little space The marriage needs work I am left again standing there With nowhere to go Feeling like the storm cloud over my head is about to explode The tears fall instead Redness fills my cheeks As I hear those words I am told again that the space is needed All I do is make people feel disappointed  Feel bad  Feel hurt All I am is too much Too needy Too something  All I do is cause pain to people I tend to find people who I can’t have Who tell me what I want to hear The truth never escapes their mouth Maybe that day it did maybe that did the truth was believed Today it’s all taken back I am made to feel lik...