Food Struggles

 Over the last month or so I have had a really hard time eating. I have always had points in my life where eating was a struggle. As long as I can remember, eating hasn’t been easy. I remember being told I ate too much as a child. By the time high school came around I was only eating one meal a day. By adulthood I’d go days without eating or with very little food. 

I have been barely able to choke down small amounts of food over the last month. When I see food, look at food, or even smell food my first instinct is to get sick. It takes all I have not to get sick. Last night was no different for me. I got some nachos from a place we go sometimes. It was a large-ish amount. I did finish them. For me I was proud I ate all of my food. It took a lot of effort for me to do so. I got some carrot cake to eat. I was starting to eat that. When I hear this,

Person: “Did you finish all your nachos?”

Me: “yes”

Person: “all of it”

Me: “yes”

Person: looks at me and says “oh, ok then”

You are probably sitting there thinking that isn’t a bad conversation. The person I was talking to has known me their whole life. They have known me to not eat or barely eat for weeks. The tone under their words made me feel like I shouldn’t have eaten my whole meal. Since I did, I shouldn’t be hungry for my dessert. 

My whole adult life I have been told “why are you still hungry?” “Do you think you should eat that?”  Comments like that and from family members no doubt. It makes it hard for me to want to eat when I have people act like this. Make a production on why I eat or how much I eat. 

I guess that’s life isn’t it.