A Failed Justice System

Original Post

 One thing in life I’m trying to desperately learn is that my trauma doesnt define me. It does change me. I had childhood trauma starting at age 12 through 16 years old. By various guys who I thought were important to me. Then when I got married I thought my life would get better. I didn’t even know I was living in a domestic violence home until three years before my divorce. It had been going on for years. When I entered into the lifestyle, it hasn’t been kind either to me.

When I was raped in 2016 by my first Dom someone asked me “why didn’t you go to the police?” I had many reasons behind it. I didn’t want to face him. Let alone go through all the crap of the details of the rape. I hoped he would leave me alone. Not only was I raped it turned into cyber stalking by this Dom. When I tried to go to the police on stalking. They told me “it’s through email and text messaging. We won’t do anything”. Really?!? He is starting to become threatening and you can’t do anything. Since he isn’t at my doorstep, they wouldn’t do a damn thing. First time I dealt with the police.

I learned quickly in the process that reporting a stalking charge wasn’t going to do anything with the police. Unless someone physically hurts me the police won’t do anything. At this point I didn’t want to talk about the rape. I didn’t want to mention the assaults that had happened. I was ashamed of everything that was going. On top of that I was married at the time. I was still being abused at home. This took place Orange County Florida.

Let’s fast forward to this summer.

I now live Illinois. I am more active in the kink community. This last summer I met this Dom. Well, a so called Dom. I met with him in a vanilla setting. I didn’t want to know his Dom side just yet. I wanted to know him and his vanilla side. So we met under vanilla terms. So, I thought. I was assaulted yet again. (See June 15th, 2018 writing). The next day he messaged me to see if I was ok. First off ummm no. I tried to blow him off as he messaged me. Then he ended up being at the same munch I was at the next day. Fine whatever. This place is big enough we don’t have to be near each other. I was wrong. He was finding ways to be in the same area most of the night. Even though he brought a “date” with him.

You would think he would want his undivided attention to his date. Well, yeah that didn’t happen. Now did it. After that I blocked him from all social media including FetLife. There was a community spread investigation done. Things happened he was banned from our local groups. Ok fine. Then messages were popping up on the different forums about him attacking me. Which I was getting word on. I got the screenshots. I kept records of everything. On 9/6/218 he messaged me and threatened violence not only on me but my local munches.

I called the police and I asked them if there was anything they could do. Now not I understand did this man threaten me. He threatened my community and is starting to stalk me. He kept messaging me after I would block him. He would create new accounts. The police said “no we can’t do anything because he didn’t lay a hand in you”. WTF. Are you kidding me. During the questioning the assault came out. They still wouldn’t do anything. Even though the laws have changed on rape. He didn’t physically harm me with this current threat. So, they said nothing can be done.

One week later I got a message from a third party stating I was now involved with this jerkface. I contacted the police said now he is going threw a 3rd party to start crap with me. They said because he hasn’t laid a hand on me. They can’t do anything. You can go to court and try to fight it. Your kidding right?!? On 9/20 i went to court to try and fight it. They said no because he didn’t lay a hand on you. You are denied.

My question is to our justice system is this. Why does it take a man or a woman to lay a hand on you before you step in? Why does it take more than 3 Counts of stalking before you will look at a case. It took me 4 months of court dates talking about the assault before the judge would consider my case and give me what I wanted and what I believed what I needed. Why? With the me too movement so high why does it take so long? The police wouldn’t even look at me and dismissed me. Like they do with so many others. By the time the police do anything it’s too late.

With many counts of stalking in both cases and tons of proof that I had. The police said no. The justice system doesn’t work like we want it too. I think I’m some cases it does. When we try and be the survivor it doesn’t. When we have to sit there and rehash every detail of that night to the judge or even a jury. It takes a mental toll on us. Just because the police wouldn’t listen. If they do believe us their hands are tied. Trust me I understand the accused has rights too. I understand that more than anyone. I do. I think sometimes we protect the accused to much. Our justice systems needs to be revamped.

I’m speaking to all who have been a victim of assault, rape, even domestic violence. Where it took someone laying a hand on you before the justsystem did something. It shouldn’t have to get that far. One threat of violence by the person should always be enough. Why isn’t it?